Life and the Pursuit of Purpose

So I couldn’t think of a better title so sue me…
Its been a while since I actually ranted on here figured it was about time. First things first to all my recent new followers Hello! I don’t know why you’re honestly following me but thanks I appreciate you all! Just so you know this won’t be short or really understandable so after this point you have permission to just ignore me…or do you already do that?

Anyways on to the personal shit!
Life sucks
The End…
Okay maybe not but its not that great at the moment. Not much is going on and I’m in a rut. I don’t have much motivation to do anything but mope even though I actually rather not. I mean I’m not just sitting around doing nothing but what I am doing…I’m not getting anywhere. It sucks. I mean literally nothing is going my way. You make some ground you think well hey I’m making some progress then boom A GIANT WALL! Its sole purpose is to stand in my way, and it does a grand fucking job at that. I mean I lay down a plan set goals and I get nowhere. That’s my life at this lovely moment I’m not going to bore you more with details on certain things because I’m sure you have other things you rather do…honestly if you are still reading this color me impressed.

I just don’t understand it you try and try and do what you can and nothing works you end up in the same ol shit over and over. I’m at the point of just like…eh fuckit. I think that’s what I will do…when a problem comes along or something not working out I will just say fuckit…yeah that’s a good idea I think.(yes I know there is cursing I’m in a sailor mood) I mean maybe that’s what I need to do. I’ve been trying so hard lately to follow a set path or do a list of things to reach my end goal. So far that isn’t working maybe that means I’m doing it wrong. Maybe I should just say fuckit and just dive right in. Might be stupid but hey maybe that will work…what do I have to lose…nothing at this moment but my pride, and that’s already been shot by now I’m sure lol. I mean sure that idea probably isn’t what one would consider solid. If you know me well enough that isn’t new.

Life just sucks right now. I know I’m whining but its been a while since I have so deal with it…Another thing is its lonely lately sure people are around but it’s not enough…I’m gonna be blunt and say I’m tired of sleeping alone. I know that’s kinda…out there but I’m not talking sex but just someone here next to me…who wont leave and will stay by my side and just accept me. I once had that a long time ago and now and again it comes up when I feel that void again. That piece of me I lost and have been longing for. It’s been so long since I felt that closeness with someone…maybe I try to hard maybe by me trying it just pushes them away more. Like this girl I’m interested in she knows how I feel and we are close. Closer than any girl in my life right now, but that line we won’t cross. I’m willing to but she won’t. She has excuses and some are valid points. Some I find silly…it’s like we are so close yet so far. I’m trying to not be selfish and just get what I want. I’m trying to be considerate of her and her feelings, but I can be a selfish asshole. I need to just not bother with it…because I fear if I keep pushing she will just vanish and that’s the last thing I want right now. That part me just wants that closeness again…I need to control that desire.

Anyways enough about that I had more to say but eh I feel I’ve already said to much I’m sure I will post more later. To those who read all this thanks. I know its silly but eh.